One-Sided Love

I am the kind of person that does not usually fall in love.
I do not usually go for ‘what’s hot’ or what they call ‘campus crush’. I do not believe that they’ve got everything I would want for a guy. So most of the time, I do not fancy nobody at all.

But when I fall in love, I can no longer control my feelings for that person. I would be like what they call ‘obessessed’. I would always take a look at the picture of that guy that I have. Or if would be too lucky to have a picture of us, even if I don’t usually look good at it, as long as he’s there, I would have it printed, and then reprinted, and then reprinted again. My desktop would always be filled with his face, I would always talk about him. Every time I start a conversation with my best friend, I would always have an idea that would just connect something about him in the topic. Pretty insane right? But that’s what makes me happy, always remembering him.

When I get to see him, instead of making him feel that I’m interested with him, I would give him the idea that I disgust and just don’t like him. I don’t want him to feel any pressure with our newly blossoming friendship, okay. Or could I even call it friendship when he doesn’t even reply to my messages. Or he doesn’t even invite me over to the table where he and his childhood friends are sitting. Of course that would be too much to ask, for the love that I have just one-sided.

I know he knows I exist, at least. I know he could sense a bit that I fancy him, yet..I always try not to let him believe so.

So why did I let myself fall for this love when I am the only one who feels it? When I could love the one who loves me so fully?

Perhaps it’s more self-fulfilling when you let yourself love, even if that person won’t love you back…